The Suitcase by Jane G. Meyer- My first book review!!

Today I read a sweet book that stayed with me.  The Suitcase by Jane G. Meyer is a simple story that gives adults and children food for thought about what really matters, what do we value above all?  The watercolor illustrations by Chiara Pasqualotto complement perfectly the colorful, rich, but simple story.  At first we meet the protagonist, Thomas and wonder at the things he does.  I expected this to focus on his challenges and areas of struggle, but rather at the end, Thomas is the teacher.  In fact, the Sunday School teacher in me was picturing all the lessons I could create from the contents of his suitcase.

This book has spiritual lessons straight from Jesus' teachings on the Kingdom of God.  They are not explained in detail, but are alluded to and will be a great springboard for more discussion. Yet, through a subtle choice by the author and illustrator, we see the Kingdom of God in this very family.  Thomas has his unique personality that everyone in the family seems used to and comfortable with.  One sister seems to be of Asian ethnicity which brought to my mind questions about adoption or blended families.  This isn't addressed in the text at all, and I couldn't help but think that in fact, it didn't really matter when what we are talking about is the Kingdom of God, the place where we are all family.

In this sweet tale, we see what it looks like when a family is loving each other, sitting around a table, listening and journeying toward God together.


 I received a reading copy of this book in return for a fair and honest review. 

In the thick of it

I joined Facebook about 5 years later than most everyone else.  At some level, I just knew that it would be like a drunk in a liquor store.  The extrovert in me would want to be catching up with everyone all the time.  The sensitive part of me would get hurt by the judgement and hostile things people say. 

But I eventually had to join to connect with a new group of friends as that was their main mode of communication.   I put limits on my time, on the number of people I friended and what I would post about. It helped keep things in check and sane. 

But things have gotten out of whack.  I am spending too much time on Facebook now and I am thinking about what is said there way too much when I am away from Facebook. 

I have an image of my well of peace.  Its a well inside a courtyard in a vast and beautiful garden.  That well feeds the plants in the garden.  It must have good water for all the good and beautiful things to grow.  Enemies may surround the garden and take it over and destroy all the beautiful flowers and plants, but if the well is protected, then even when destruction happens, the garden can come back.  If the well gets tainted, the garden just cannot grow.

So these days, I feel like I am having to work really hard to protect my well of peace.  I am pushed in by events in the world and the stresses of life around me.  They are forcing their way toward my well of peace. 

I need to reclaim some land, push back on these stressful things.   To keep my well of peace intact, I need to say no and turn my back on things that are encroaching. 

I am in the thick of motherhood.  A teenager, a preschooler and one in between.  I know this is a short time of my life and they are the primary recipients of any good water from my well.   So I am saying no to Facebook, at least for a while, and turning my attentions to things that feed this garden and keep us growing.  I'm cultivating. 

what a body really is

I am purchasing glasses online for the first time.  After 20 years of being a mostly contacts wearer, I now have a condition (giant papilla conjunctivitis- don't google it!)  that makes regular everyday all -day glasses necessary.

If you haven't done it before, to buy glasses online you upload a picture of yourself looking straight at the camera and then you virtually try on glasses by selecting them.  It does save time and is a lot cheaper, but I found myself going through the same litany of internal dialogue that I have in the brick and mortar glasses store.

"that makes my nose look too long. . . that one does too . .. maybe my nose is just too long!  That makes my eyes look old  . . . so do those  . . . so do those. . .  maybe I am just old!!"

and on it goes about chin(s), hair etc, etc

A variant of this goes on in the dressing room at every store, a catalog of all the parts of me that don't fit the clothes on the hanger.

 I know this discontent with my body is part of the burden I bear as a woman living in America.  I have seen this same attitude in the women in my family and my friends.  The voices from the outside telling us how we should look have come on so strong for so long, we have forgotten how to see ourselves as we really are and rejoice in that.

Ironically, I was interrupted in the middle of writing this by a sleepy preschooler needing cuddles.   To give cuddles, you need a lap and arms and that quality of tenderness that comes with a heart of love.  You don't need to be skinny, you don't need great abs, a tight butt or any other part of your body to be "perfect".  

And that is what our bodies are-  they are a gift.  A gift to us to help us live,  and a gift to others to give them what they need to live and thrive.  They are not bad, they are not to be judged, they are to be honored and used in service to others. 

And that is what I will say to myself when I put on my new glasses. 

equity vs equality

"Equality is treating everyone the same. But equity takes differences into account so everyone has a chance to succeed. The first one sounds fair.  The second one is fair."
Jodi Picoult

If you have read any Jodi Picoult books, you know the formula.  Moral dilemma + trial + twist at the ending= a book you can't put down.  I have read a few of her books and though they aren't Pulitzer level, they do really get you in the shoes of the character and to think about ethical choices you may not have considered.

Small Great Things follows the formula, but deals with an issue that touches every American- racism.  It was inspired by a true story of an African-American nurse who was asked by a white supremacist couple to not touch their baby.  From there is a journey of learning what it is like from the other side.  If you are black, you will see inside the heart of a white supremacist and see the pain and anger that fuels his hate.  If you are white, you will see a few of the millions of slights and injuries that a black woman faces in her life. 

I wouldn't call this a great book, but it is good.  And at a time when we can be so divided, we all need help to see.

Draft- Day 2- too great not to share

Read Luke 1:39-56

The word that jumps out to me in verse 39 is "hurried".  Mary had this world-changing encounter with the Gabriel and she rushes to see her relative, Elizabeth.  As we say now, she knows she needs to process this with someone, a close friend that will understand.  And if anyone could understand, it would be Elizabeth, who has her own unique conception story.   When they meet, there is a spirit of joy and thanksgiving.  They have received an unexpected gift and they are overflowing with gratitude. This is remarkable considering that neither one of them was in the usual situation of having a baby.  I'm sure some people commented about Elizabeth being too old to have a baby and others probably raised their eyebrows at Mary's young pregnancy.  But even if others didn't understand, these women were thankful.

None of us knows what life will bring.  We can have our futures planned out with school plans, career paths, steps to prosperity.  But God is the one who holds our days.  No one plans on car accidents, cancer,  job loss, or disability.  These are things that come without us knowing or planning.  And yet God is with us wherever our path goes.

Even if the path is difficult, we can respond with songs of praise.

8 years ago

8 years ago I was in an attic packing and listening to the inauguration of our first black president.  It was one of those times you remember right where you were.

Our family was starting a new era, moving across the globe, leaving what we called home with many questions as to the future.  And America was transitioning too, taking a step to healing the wounds caused by my ancestors.  The past 8 years have showed us that growth is messy.  Fits and starts, victories and defeats.

I can say honestly that we are a much healthier family than we were 8 years ago.  We have stronger relationships, better suited work situations, educational resources and a web of friendships that lift us up when we need them.  But none of these things came immediately when we moved.  We had friendships that ended in disappointment and hurt.  We had schooling situations that were not a good fit and jobs that were full of daily stress.  But over time we learned to say yes to the good and no to the bad.  With counseling, honesty with ourselves, and just plain old good fortune we have cultivated a life-giving home here.

And that is the journey our country is still on.  We are still in a hot stuffy attic, figuring out what matters enough to keep and what should be cast away.   What do we need to be healthy, to be whole, to have a society that gives life and not death?  These are the messy questions we have not yet answered.  

God, give us the strength to join together and walk towards light, life and health.

Draft- Day1, The story before the story

So this is probably a dangerous thing to do, but I am going to use this blog and the FB group Blogging like its 2005 as my writing accountability. I have SO MANY writing projects in my mind that dont make it to paper/ screen.  So here I am going to just put them out there.  Unpolished, unvarnished, un everything.  So, if you comment, be merciful.

This first set is for a series of books I want to do called 40 days with_____.  They will be Orthodox devotional books written for families.  They can be used for older kids to read on their own, for families to read together around the table, for a church school teacher to read for a short lesson.  Each one will have a scripture, reflection and questions.  One page a day for 40 days, so they can be used for Great Lent or other fasts.   Or one per Sunday for a whole year of Church school.  I have ideas for several of them, but the first will be 40 days with Christ and here would be day 1:

The story before the story:
Luke 1:26-38
 What is the most powerful word ever spoken?  Maybe you are thinking "Let there be light" when God created the world.  That was pretty amazing, but I am talking about only one word.  I think the most powerful word is "yes."  
At the beginning of this story, we meet a girl, only about 14 years old who is doing what girls did back then.  She was helping.  But this girl was helping in the temple because she had been given to the temple by her parents at a young age to serve there. So she is already remarkable in that her time isn't in her family's house, but God's house. Tradition tells us that at this particular moment, she was helping weave a curtain to go across the Holy of Holies in the temple, the most sacred of all places.  
In midst of her routine work, an angel appears with the craziest sounding message ever heard.  And although Mary knows the scripture and worships faithfully, even she is confused.  How can this be?  How can I be pregnant with God's child when I am just a maiden? She wasn't doubting, she was just trying to put the pieces together. 
The angel explains more fully the mystery of the Holy Spirit coming upon her.  And though that doesn't make much more sense to our rational minds, she takes a minute and then responds with the most powerful word ever spoken; "Yes."
With that simple response, the whole course of history and humanity was changed.   I'm sure she was scared and worried about what would happen to her, but despite that, Mary gave permission for God to come down and inhabit her body so that Jesus could be born.  The God of the Universe was knit together cell by cell in the womb of Mary.  All because she said, "Yes."  And that "yes" made her into the Holy of Holies, the place where God dwelled. 

Why is "yes" such a powerful word?
Do you think Mary could have said "no"?  Why or why not?
What is the Holy of Holies?  How is Mary like the Holy of Holies?
What powerful things could happen in your life if you say "yes" to God? 

how to accompany those who suffer

Yeah, I know.  Not a lightweight blog post.
But, this is something I have been in the position of doing several times in the past year.  And I don't know if I am doing a good job of it.  But I'm taking notes here from my experience so I can work through this in my mind.  Consider this a working draft for a novice like me.

1) Call a lot.  My friends who are suffering sometimes reach out to me to share what is going on.  But sometimes they cocoon up in the pain they are feeling.  It's normal for us to go into our cave and protect our wounds.  But after a time, the cave becomes part of the suffering.  The dark and damp atmosphere don't actually help the wounds heal.  So sometimes I am the person calling at the entrance of the cave, waving a torch, banging on a rock to remind them they aren't alone.  I dont go into the cave if they dont ask me.  If they dont answer my call, I just wait a while and call again.  When they are ready, they will let me in or come out themselves.

2) Give a long hug.  Many of my friendships are the "hello hug" variety.  We hug when we see each other, we hug for good news, we hug because we are huggers.  But when a friend is hurting, sometimes I hug a little longer.  It is a way of saying, "I've got you"  and for me, sometimes the long hug just lets loose a dam of tears that need to flow.  Even with our kids running around, I have time for a long hug.

3) Say the truest thing.  By saying the truest thing, I dont mean being brutally honest.  If someone is facing a fatal illness, saying "You have a good chance of dying and not seeing your family again on this earth."  That is honest, but it isnt kind or necessary.  That kind of thing is what doctors are for.  Friends are there to say the Truth, and only when it is the right time.  The truth is, "Whatever happens, your kids have a lot of people that love them and are going to take good care of them."

4) Don't be an expert.  Ask questions, don't give answers.  Oh wow, how I am preaching to myself here.  Whatever your friend is going through, they likely have googled it and talked about it with people that, you know, actually went to school to learn about what they are facing.  Not just you with your, "My aunt had something like that one time in the 80's . . . ."  Just listen, and ask questions and dont react with faces of shock and pity.  Be there, just BE there. 

a letter to me in the past- to the new homeschooling mom

Dear younger me,

Today I was sorting books.  Homeschooling books.  Lots of them. Right now, you are in a house with few books, and lots of questions.  You are going to order a years worth of curriculum that comes in a big box.  And thats fine, thats a great place to start.  You are hoping you can do this every year and be all set for all the years of homeschooling.

But on the first day, you will read the 3 pages your curriculum plan tells you to read and then your eager beaver child will ask you to read more.  What do you do?   There is a plan, a plan that will carry you for 12 years of schooling, but you have to stick to the plan.  So for one day you will read just the amount the directions say, no more.  And that day will be frustrating to you and your child.

Day 2, you just go with it.  You read until he seems done, or until you are tired.  And then you read another book.  And that is the rest of your homeschooling career right there.  You will do what they need and what you need.  And the teacher's guides collect dust on the shelves.

In a few years you will start homeschooling your second child, a super special kid.  So special that there is no curriculum that is perfect for him.  Every single one has an element of struggle and frustration.  After many years and many curriculae that have held so much promise and yet fallen short, you learn he has dyslexia.  The written word is not his friend.  The very thing that compromises 80% of school is like chin-ups for his brain.

So you learn to look and to listen, REALLY listen to your child.  You take each subject and think- What is the goal for this subject?  And you make your own path to that goal.

Yeah, I know.  It's way harder than a box of books and a plan that takes you all the way through high school.

But that's what this kid needs, so thats what you do.  And its not pretty.  Lots of days you don't know if you are doing the right thing.  There are still tears and frustration, but at the end of the day, end of the month, you are seeing real learning.  Not nicely filled in workbooks, but real learning.

Just remember this.  Listen to your child. Each one.  Each way that they learn.  And then listen to yourself.  Be realistic with your time and expectations.  Give yourself grace each day.

As you bushwhack your way through this homeschool jungle, you will find a way to real learning for each of you.

Notes from a night given to a sick child

Don't read this if you're eating.

Our family is not a puking family.  I got food poisoning a few years ago and calculated it had been 15 years since I had vomited.  I just don't do it.

But not even the iron guts of our clan are immune to this particular stomach bug going around.  It comes in fast, usually preceded with "My tummy hurts!"  about 30 seconds before the puking starts.
But it blitzes through in 24 hours and then people are right as rain.

Last night, the toddler fell victim and her vomiting sessions came about every 30- 60 minutes all through the night.

The first time, she was very chipper and said, "I spit out my spaghetti."  and then said maybe tonight she should eat some more spaghetti.  Ew.

At one point, I had fallen asleep and had a dream that I was cleaning up her vomit only to be awoken by the sound of her vomiting.  That was some kind of twisted sci fi movie trick.

I finally got a straight 2 hours this morning when the older boys took her and played with her.  My dream was that the queen of the Netherlands had a mysterious disease that was slowly killing her.  Was it poison?  I was in the secret service or something trying to protect her and keep the public from knowing.  Definitely a combination of stomach flu nursing and watching lots of  West Wing episodes.

lovely and rare

 "Freedom is a community laboring for something lovely and rare." -  Colson Whitehead, The Underground Railroad

Last night I got to witness a little bit of the messy, uncomfortable and sacred process of reconciliation. 

My husband organized a forum where college students got to ask questions, voice their fears and assert their rights regarding racism in America.  

It was painful at times and beautiful.  We have so much to learn about loving others.  But how wonderful to make a few baby steps together. 

Making room for the manger

Today in my son's writing class, we learned to pare down the information in our papers to what is interesting to us.  Even more than what is important, include what is interesting. 

Thats a good rule for this blog. 

I am going to write about what is interesting.  Sometimes that will be what is important.  And sometimes it will just be me getting out on (digital) paper what is going on in my head, and it may not interest anyone else.  So here we go.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

We put away the Christmas stuff this weekend.  I have pared down my decor to just the things I really love.  Its pretty simple:  a tree, stockings, wooden ornaments on a garland, Jesse tree ornaments on a garland, a basket of Christmas books, and a couple nativity scenes.  The towels and dishes are gone and the ugly mugs too.  Just the things I enjoy seeing around the house. 

But it was time for even those things to go away.

I have one nativity scene that is breakable.  It is the one that would go on a mantle if we had a fireplace.  Every year I put it in various places that are out of little hands' reach.  This year I tried putting it on the buffet, which also is my desk.  Not a good idea.  My intent was to keep the mail and little desk items off of there for the Christmas season, but bit by bit things accumulated and when I went to wrap up the nativity scene, almost all the figures had been shoved to the back.

Oh what an image of my heart!  The Mary part gets shoved aside as the Martha part crowds in.  I find it nearly impossible as a mom to not have the many little worries of life come in and keep me from choosing the "better thing". 

This is why every week we sing again and again, "Now lay aside all earthly cares."  Because from Sunday to Sunday, I have picked up some more (and probably picked up the old ones again) and I need to lay them aside anew. 

When the burdens and cares are laid aside, then there is room for the manger in me. 

Lessons from the Garden: My favorite child / triage

Just to clear things up- I dont have a favorite child.  I love all my kids all the time.  :)

But when it comes to the garden, the tomato is the favored one.  When you have record rains and despite all your efforts, the weeds are taking over, you have to concentrate your energy.  There is only so much time to give to weeding and tending.  Some things don't get attention.  Sorry green beans. 

The tomatoes win me every year.  It could be because the tomato and mayonnaise sandwich is the best thing to eat ever.   It could be because they are so versatile, going in just about any dish I make this time of year.  I can freeze them, I can can them.  I will be tasting their goodness on the darkest days of winter. 

I don't know why I choose tomatoes over the other vegetables, but I do and I am rewarded now with a bumper crop of these jewels.  The green beans are gone, covered by weeds.  The carrots are hanging on, but there has been a lot of rain for those guys to take.  And the beets are there, but I haven't really dug them up to check on them.

Sad to say, I have had to learn how to do triage on relationships at times.  I have had some relationships that I worked really hard on, even when there was every sign that that relationship was pretty one sided and unhealthy.  I have willed a relationship to be more than it was, but the weeds and floods took it away. 

I now have a pretty good radar for when a relationship is going to suck the life out of me.  I don't mean that I wouldn't stick by a friend's side through a hard time; that is the very essence of friendship.  I mean that sometimes a friendship is not live-giving to both people.  One person is getting encouraged, built up and supported and the other person is ignored. 

I don't know that I am explaining it well because it is one of those things that when you are in the situation, you know it.  And before, I would try try try to get another person to join in the kind of relationship I wanted.  Now I know I can only give what I can give and receive what God brings my way. 

It sounds sad to let some friends go, but when you see the fruit prospering in a healthy relationship, it is a beautiful thing. 

Lessons from the garden: get by with a little help from your friends

Back in the spring I worked and worked.  I dug up soil, I planted, I mulched.  I took little moments when my toddler was happy and got as much in the ground as I could.  But the day came when it was too late in the season to plant my seeds and I still had big empty spaces in the garden. 

I faced my limits and I accepted them.  There is only so much time I can give. 

And then my neighbor texts- do you want some watermelon plants? 

They had some volunteer plants from last year and I filled in my last spaces with these gifts.

We do what we can and when we can't, many times God sends someone to fill in the gaps.  He made us to not be able to do it all on our own.  He made us to need others. 

Sometimes I'm the giver and sometimes I'm the receiver.  I have to be open to both.

And the old adage is true "good fences make good neighbors".  We have to know how much we can give and how much we can't give.  We have to know when its time to ask and receive help. We have to be honest with others and ourselves. 

Because this garden isn't just for us anyway.  When zucchini is coming out of our ears and tomatoes are falling from the vine, we see that's its all a gift its all grace.

We are all on the receiving end all the time.

lessons from the garden: grace for our limitations

I ran out of time.  Just not enough time to get it all in the ground.  I took the 15 minutes I had here and there and did what I could while keeping an eye on a toddler.  But still, there are sections of my garden that just don't have anything planted. 

And thats OK.

I was on the front porch the other day and noticed something coming up by one of the bushes.  It looked familiar.  It happens to us every year, stray pumpkin seeds from our jack o lanterns find their way into the ground and sprout.  Our front porch is north-facing and in constant shade, so they never grow there well.

I took those sprouts and planted them in one of the garden plots that was not going to get planted this year.

In my little 20 minute time frame, I had filled up that plot.  We may have pumpkins this year, and that wasn't even in the plan.

I spend a lot of mental energy grumbling about what I haven't gotten done.  I set goals for myself and then see myself fall short of them. 

Life is messy and there are so many things we can't predict or plan for.

But there is grace.

There are things planted by accident, seeds of providence that are laid in the ground of our hearts.  They sit there and grow without us even being aware of it.  Its all a gift.

God works the soil, He waters it.  He is the master gardener.

We just let Him work and are thankful for the fruit of His hands.

Forgive me, God for thinking that I make things happen.  It is all your work, all your grace and love that brings good things.  Thank you.

Lessons from the garden: saying no to good things

Ascension is this week, which means Pentecost is near.  An old Romanian woman once told me to have everything planted by Pentecost. *  Then someone asked this woman, "When is Pentecost?" and she replied "When everything is planted." 

A beautiful picture of the interwovenness of the church and our lives.

But its true, if you look at the seed catalogs, most things should be in the ground by beginning of June.  And I am at the point where I have just accepted that we will probably not get planted everything we wanted to this year.

And thats OK.

A few years ago, I was in a situation where I was very limited. There were just not many options in our life situation and that was so hard.  Especially when I felt our needs were not being met.

We are blessed to be in a fruitful time and place now, which presents another set of problems.  So much to do, so much to say yes to!  So many good things that can help us grow and learn!

But still we have the limit of time.

Just 24 hours, just 7 days, just 18 years with them at home.  We dont have more time to give than we have.  We just can't fit everything in.

In homeschooling, in church, in social events, in creative projects, there is always more to do than we have time for. 

So we say no to good things.  We may even say no to great things. 

We discern what is the best fit, the most profitable, the most edifying.  And we say no to everything else.

I will probably only have a few rows of green beans come up this year.  And thats ok.  We will enjoy what we have.  The lettuce may be sparse, but we will relish those salads that we do have.   

Its all a gift.  Thank you.

*(It actually may have been a Ukranian woman.  If I am stealing this story from Phylliska- sorry!)

lessons from the garden: bloom from your roots

And the LORD will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.
 Isaiah 58:11

And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.  Psalm 1:3

Several years ago I was on a personal retreat. I found a spot on my hike to sit by a stream and pray.  I came to these passages and I just cried.  I felt like the opposite of prosperous, well-watered garden. I felt dry deep in my bones. 

Our family was in a difficult place.  There were many burdens and griefs in my heart.  And I remember as I prayed I asked that these verses would be true for me.  That God would guide me and satisfy me and that He would bring fruit.  I was thirsty for Living Water.

This year the early spring weather was very strange.  The winter had record-breaking low temps.  The cold held on for a long long time. Then we had rain that flooded many homes.  I have noticed that my azaelea bushes are dead on the top two-thirds of the plant.  I can snap off the branches with my hand.  I wondered if they would come back at all. 

But then I noticed green leaves coming from the base.  And now there are flowers there too.  It looks pretty odd when you see them in the neighborhood.  Dead brown branches on top and vibrant pink and white blossoms on the bottoms. 

This shows me that there is life there.  The roots go deep and even when the cold is too much for some parts of the plant, there is a safe space where the life resides and can make it bloom again. 

As a mother, right now I am focused on my kids' roots.  I am working to instill the truth and love that they will need to draw upon for their whole lives.  They will have hard winters and terrible storms in life, and if they can have roots that go deep, they can make it.

This is also an admonition for me to continue to dig deep and make sure I stay rooted.  With whatever time I can, I must pray. I must read God's word.  I must soak in the worship at church.  My roots need to continue to thrive so that I may bear fruit.

As I see these strange bushes, I am reminded of seeing past what is on the surface. Last year, I dug up a bush that I thought had died.  As I dug, I found that the bush was actually alive and would have come back if I just pruned it and let it be.  I am so quick to judge others by what I see.  I make assumptions on the externals and neglect to trust that God is working on them and in them.  I see them as dead and give up on them, but God has the true vision to see them as they are. 

grab with one hand, release with the other

This weekend, we were in a sticky situation.  Other people's problems affecting us.  Unsure of what we were to do-  We talked about it.  We sat and felt the awkwardness.  We did other things, then we came back to talk some more.

We didn't give up until we were together in it. 

Because thats what matters.

Other people have problems.  We have problems.  But we can't fix other people's lives. 

We gotta be on the same team, the team that is cheering for health, wholeness, a return to God. 

 We are listening ears, shoulders to cry on, and meals delivered.  But at some point there is a place we cannot go.  A place where the pieces have to be put together by those who broke it. 

And we trust that God's love is bigger than any mess anyone can make.  We have faith that God's grace is stronger than the pain we have inflicted.  And we believe that there is not place too dark for God's light to penetrate. 

And we are together.

just a cuppa

Thank you to all of you that stuck with me through lent as I wrote and processed the prayer of St. Ephrem.  It was one of the best lents I have had in a long time, and I think all that writing was good for me to carry the prayer around with me all day. 

So now I am considering what is my writing to be about without the wise words of St. Ephrem to guide me. 

The baby is sleeping through the night now.  I mean like 12 hrs straight sleeping. And I suddenly dont have the dying craving need for caffeine in the afternoon.  I feel like cleaning, like organizing, like getting stuff done on my to do list. 

But I still need to take a moment.  I still need to sit, to reflect, to get keep a little holy space in the middle of my day. 

So I put the kids down for rest time and I make my little cup of tea and I sit.  I check email, I click on totally stupid links from facebook, I find very useful ideas on pinterest.    But the best thing is I just sit and am here to think for just a big and rest.

And I need to write. 

I don't know what the topic will be, but I need to take some time and put down on paper (or screen) the thoughts, ideas and memories swirling in my mind. 

So I will come back here with more writing.  Maybe you will be here reading. 

I am open to suggestions.  Stories, meditations, musings?  Let me know in the comments and maybe it will kick me into my next writing goal.

for Thou art holy, now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen.

So we have come full circle.  I have walked through the words of this prayer and confronted my own sins and weaknesses.  I have seen the places I am tempted and come up short.  I have asked to be washed clean and forgiven.

And now we look again at the One we have been praying to.  That "Lord and Master" that we referenced way back at the beginning.  And we see that He is not only Lord of my life, right now in the nitty gritty of being a mom in 2015.  We see a glimpse of the eternal.

He is holy, set apart, unlike us but we get glimpses of His goodness in us.  And who God is- is forever.  As one of my kids used to say "No beginning and no end. "

My sloth, despair, lust of power, etc.  will come and go.  I will have struggles and then victory and one day I will go to another place where those things don't really matter.

But God, He is everlasting, without end. 

And tonight we will see Him do what we can't fathom.  We will see him conquer death. 

All these sins that pull us away from him and taint our view of the world, He will overcome them all.  He will trample them down.  He will show that there is no darkness He cannot overcome. 

When we go to church in the dark and wait for the light, we will remember this journey.  As I have prayed, I have been changed.  I am open to receive the Light, the Life.