A letter to myself on my 36th birthday

This is the summer of your life. Your days are full and busy and beautiful. Though money can be tight, you are rich beyond imagination. You have two wondrous, bright, zest-filled boys and part of the credit for the miracle of their lives goes to you. Yes, there are dust bunnies and clutter and laundry baskets in your home, but there is abounding love and joy and the music of life.

You work hard. You fail, you fall short, you have weaknesses that you give into, but you try. You are pointed in the right direction and aim to be faithful to the gifts you have been given.

The days are long, but the time is short. Breathe in the goodness, the life, the glory of these days. Each day ask God for strength and mercy and give thanks for what goes right and let go of what goes wrong.

Hold tight to the truth.

Celebrate and cultivate life.

the great dilemma. . .

Mothers are usually the ones behind the camera, so it is so hard to find a good picture of myself. I think I like this profile pic better.

holding on, but not too tight

Yesterday I got scared.

Not the ghost story kind of scared, not the someone startled me kind, not the global warming kind of scared.

The worst kind- the something terrible almost happened to my children kind of scared.

Nothing happened, everything is fine in our family.

But there are hurting, wounded children outside this home that lay heavy on my heart.

And I am struggling with how to love and protect my children without locking them up from the world.

I think of Mary, the mother of Christ and how she carried him in her body for a time and always in her heart. How she followed Him to the the darkest of all places and stayed by His side even at her point of deepest grief. She held onto him, but also let Him go where the Father sent him.

How to do that?

sabbath

Today I read in Matthew where Jesus gets in trouble with the Pharisees for healing on the sabbath.

I love the idea of sabbath. I love the idea of rhythm to our week and rest in honor of the work done during the week and in acknowledging the supremacy of God.

But for a mother, the sabbath can easily look just like any other day.

Like Jesus, we are presented with pressing needs around us every day. We can't say no to scratched knees and teething babies.

I have read about observant Jews that prepare for the sabbath. They cook a day ahead, make sure laundry it all done before sunset and make it a point to create a home that needs as little care as possible. I so admire the dedication to making a space for sabbath in their week.

The closest I have come to sabbath is this time of the day. The boys are having rest time. The house is quiet and my mind is awake enough to read scripture and pray. Its short, not usually more than a half hour, but it gives structure and rhythm to my day. I can come down to land and catch my breath. I can listen for what God is saying and receive strength for the rest of the day.

It is so short a time, I hate to call it sabbath, but it is a resting, quiet space that helps me to be rooted in what is true.

As I leave this space I go to pay bills and make frustrating phone calls with insurance companies and the tightness in my chest indicates that I am leaving this safe place and being launched into the rough of the world.

May the peace I find here sustain me.